Love Letters
by Modliszki
Summary: Lovino leaves what once was home, what once was love, and what once meant everything to him behind. AU.


**A/N:** The story is based around the historical events surrounding the War of Spanish Succession, Spain lost most of its territories and several parts of the South Italian areas were brought into the control of Austria. However, in my story, obviously an AU, Austria isn't involved and it's a lot less business. So carry on.

* * *

Scattered on his rumpled bed were several items Lovino tried hard not to look at. There was a small pile of crumpled receipts, an old copy of Don Quixote that Antonio had given him on his thirteenth birthday, a suitcase with coat sleeves hanging out the side and one plane ticket to Italy that boarded at 10:30 pm.

Lovino sat at the edge of the bed, his hands idly stirring by his knees and his eyes glazed over in a thoughtful way. He was all ready to go, all he had to do now was kill five hours.

As he sat there, a nearly silent intruding noise brought his attention back to the present and he looked up. "How long do you plan on standing there for?" The Italian boy asked to the presence on the other side of his door. The door clicked open, presenting a taller, tired looking man. Antonio smiled an honest yet distant smile.

"Sorry, I was only trying to figure out what I was going to say before I knocked."

"Tch," Lovino said, averting his eyes away. "Idiot." The two of them stilled in silence until Antonio sighed, ruffled his hair and sighed again.

"Are you sure you want to leave tonight?"

A small lump formed in Lovino's throat and he swallowed several times in an attempt to ease it away. "If I don't my stupid brother will stay up all night worrying. I've already told him I'm coming."

"You could just call him you know."

"I've already bought the ticket," he tried not to snap but it came out sharply nonetheless. He instantly regretted it.

"Oh," Antonio struggled with his words. "I guess I'll start dinner then." He made to turn away but stopped just short of the threshold. "It'll be our last dinner together, Lovi."

"Yeah, I know. So make something good why don't you." A feeble laugh left Antonio's mouth, but Lovino knew he wasn't really feeling it. The door closed and the breath he hadn't realized he was holding came tumbling out of Lovino's mouth.

Two weeks he had put up with this awkward tension, since the night he had broken the news to Antonio.

Lovino had sat there, his fork pressing into the same pepper until it was limp with punctures, listening to Antonio recount endless stories of his day. He hadn't been surprised that Antonio had failed to notice how unusually quiet and thoughtful Lovino had become, Antonio wasn't very good with sensing the mood. Ever. But that had only made it ten times worse when the words spilled out of Lovino's mouth.

"I'm going back to Italy."

Antonio's words were cut off immediately. At first all he had done was stare, blinking those curious green eyes in an almost laughable manner. He cocked his head and his mouth slowly fell open. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me," Lovino muttered, his gaze now focused on the grain in the table.

Antonio put his own fork down and leaned forward. "Did you say you're going back to Italy?" Lovino rolled his eyes, sat back and let his fork clatter to the plate.

"How many times do I need to repeat myself? I'm leaving!" His words came out sourly and judging by the hurt look that crossed Antonio's face, he had misunderstood.

"Did I do something Lovi?"

"What? No! No, that's not what I meant." Lovino's hand flew to his forehead in exasperation. "Dammit. Feliciano asked me to come home. He's going through something, I couldn't exactly tell him no."

"How soon?"

"Two weeks." Antonio then hesitated, and Lovino, knowing what was coming next, shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"...For how long?"

This, he didn't know. Feliciano hadn't told him and it was going to cost him nearly everything he had just to get one ticket back to Italy, there was no saying how long it would take to get another ticket back to Spain. Chewing on his bottom lip, he sniffed. "Indefinitely, I guess."

"Ah, well..." Antonio cleared his throat. "I'm happy for you," he said suddenly, throwing the other off guard.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lovino snapped, his face heated. Was Antonio happy he was leaving? Didn't he care at all that he probably wasn't ever going to see him again? That bastard.

"You'll get to see little Feli again," Antonio went on, nonplussed. "You two are always so cute together and I know when he calls here how much he misses his brother." Before Lovino could question when exactly Antonio had gotten into contact with his brother, Antonio continued. "I'll miss you though. It'll be strange here without you to keep me company."

And then came the guilt. It was hot and bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Even though Antonio was smiling, there wasn't one positive feeling behind it.

"Will you miss me?" The Spaniard asked cheerfully. Too cheerfully.

"No," Lovino replied hastily. "Tch, I can't wait to leave and get some peace and quiet for once." He didn't bother mentioning how that probably wouldn't happen with Feliciano around anyways, but it sounded good. Though Antonio didn't pay it much attention.

"I'll write you every week, yeah?" Lovino didn't bother saying no, he knew Antonio was much too lazy to actually do something like that anyways.

That idiot.

Lovino took a deep breath and stood up, he needed to stop thinking of all these things. They would only make him clumsy. He glanced at the clock, only four and a half hours to go. Wanting to get out of his room, he treaded down the stairs heavily.

A rich aroma settled on the bottom floor and Lovino's stomach growled greedily. He would miss Antonio's cooking, that was for sure. Feliciano cooked well enough, but he ate unsettling things like potatoes and cheese way too often. Lovino strode towards the kitchen only to find it empty. His stomach growled again and impatiently, he strode towards the back door that was propped open with a rock.

"An-" Lovino shut his mouth. Antonio was standing near the garden, his eyes far away and dull as they looked longingly over his city. His usual cheerful demeanor was gone without a trace, leaving something that seemed much too old to suit Antonio properly. In his hand was a cigarette, a trembling collection of unflicked ashes clinging to the end.

Lovino's heart dropped several notches in his chest quite painfully. This was going to be the last time he'd ever see Antonio and he'd have to remember him looking so sad and alone. No! He didn't like this. His tongue ached to yell out, he wanted to hit him because anything would look better than the sadness he so plainly wore! Even though every smile had been forced, that was better than this, this unintentional guilt trip.

"Lovi? What are you gaping at?" The boy blinked in realization as Antonio turned to look at him, a lying smile back on his face. "Come outside, you're gonna miss Spain when you're back in Italy."

His mouth closed tightly and his hand absently clutched at his shirt as he composed himself. "Fine." He crossed the doorway and a warm breeze hit him. It smelled sweet, like how he always remembered it smelling this time of year. He took a deep breath of it, not wanting to ever forget it.

"Cigarette?" Antonio held out a battered box, a single filter poking up through the six he had left. Lovino stared at it for a second before nodding. He took it and put it firmly between his lips. Looking up expectantly at Antonio, he watched as the Spaniard lit up a second for himself and then reached over to light Lovino's.

He didn't normally smoke. Usually Antonio only ever offered him one when they were drinking or were out on the town together. But this was special, he supposed. The last cigarette they would ever have together.

The taste was harsh in his mouth, but he inhaled it deeply. "Dinner is almost done," Antonio said through a thick plume of smoke. "This one's gonna be real good."

"I'm starving," Lovino replied.

"You don't want to eat too much though, you get sick on planes remember?" Lovino stilled. He remembered that? That one time seven years ago when they took a plane down to Austria and Lovino was so sick and nervous he got sick several times? Coincidence. Antonio was terrible with remembering important things, there was no way he could remember something so useless as that. It was just idle conversation Lovino reminded himself.

He took another long drag.

* * *

Three and a half hours left.

Lovino leaned his chair back so that the front legs hung above the floor. His concentrated stare was directed at Antonio's back, who was humming a cheery tune while washing dishes that Lovino hadn't offered to help with. "Will you call me a taxi?"

"Hm?"

"What? You expect me to walk there or something? It's thirty minutes away from here, you jerk." Antonio turned around, his wet hands dripping on the floor.

"I can drive you!" Lovino grimaced at Antonio's suggestion.

"Just call me a cab, you drive like a woman and I hate it. Can you spare me some money for the ride too?"

Antonio's shoulders drooped slightly. "Err, are you sure I can't just drive you?"

Truth was, it wasn't Antonio's driving that turned Lovino away from his generous offer. Lovino knew that if he had to spend thirty minutes (or in Antonio's case, fifty) in the car with the Spaniard, Antonio would end up getting all watery and touchy-feely.

And as nice as the gesture might have been, Lovino wasn't ready for that.

"I-it's getting dark outside and I don't want you driving home by yourself." Lovino mumbled, trying to avoid the real reason but unintentionally giving away something much worse.

"Are you worried for me Lovi? Aw, that's so sweet to be concerned for me, if I knew you cared that much I would have-"

"Get off of me you bastard!"

* * *

Two hours left.

"Do you have all your stuff packed already?" Antonio offered from the couch behind his book, his long legs extended outwards over the cushions. Lovino huffed and eyed the taken space sourly.

"Yeah. Where am I supposed to sit? You're taking up all the room!"

"Are you calling me fat?" Antonio replied seriously.

"Idiot, move!"

A bright smile formed on Antonio's lips and he reached out, grabbing Lovino by the wrist. With a startled cry, Lovino fell forward, tangling himself over Antonio. "What? Are you too big to cuddle with me now or something?" Lovino's response was muffled into Antonio's side, he struggled, sat up and huffed.

"You creep!" His words were loud, but he kicked Antonio's legs out of his way before settling himself at the other end. And even though he wanted to, he didn't say anything when Antonio brought his legs back up over to rest on him.

"I love you, Lovi."

"Shut up."

* * *

One hour and ten minutes left.

"Lovi, wake up. Your cab is coming in eight minutes." Antonio's warmth spread up Lovino's arm as he was gently shaken awake and tiredly, he smiled into it.

"I'm tired, come on, let me sleep you jerk." He heard Antonio sigh and call him cute. Lovino started stirring when slender fingers began petting his hair and he blinked away the ceiling light. "Eight minutes you said?"

"Well, seven now." Antonio replied warmly, his eyes soft and his smile genuine. "I brought your bag downstairs. Are you taking the book on the plane with you?"

"Might as well, I'll have nothing else to do." Lovino sat up, stretching away from Antonio's touch. And then it dawned on him. Seven minutes. He had seven minutes to say goodbye to Antonio for what very well could have been the last time. Lovino shrank down guiltily, looking over at the other who had started busying himself with some clutter in the corner.

Didn't he care? He only had seven minutes to say goodbye to Lovino too, shouldn't he be paying more attention?

Lovino stood up, brushed his crumpled pants off and faced the taller man. So, this was it, was it?

"Hey-" A loud sound rang in from outside and both Antonio and Lovino turned their heads towards the door.

"Oh look! Your cab came early! That's good, you'll have extra time to get through security." Panic began setting in, Lovino could feel his face burning and before he could stop himself, his emotions ran the best of him.

"W-what? No! I mean, what about you? I mean, dammit!" His hands clamped to his unruly hair, his eyes shut. What the hell was this? Were those tears? His face flushed in embarrassment, he was the one crying. Not Antonio.

He must not have cared that much after all.

His breath was coming in shallow motions, this couldn't be happening. Why was this happening? Why wasn't Antonio stopping him? Why, why why? A sudden heat infiltrated his flustered thoughts and it took a second to realize that he had been embraced. A hand was in his hair, the other on his back and all he could see was Antonio's collarbone. He smelled just like that sweet summer air. "A-Antonio?"

_"Ten cuidate, mi corazon."_

That stupid Spanish. Lovino had never been really good at it after all. But it sounded sweet so he kind of liked it.

Lovino's hands slowly, shakily moved upwards until they awkwardly rested on Antonio's arm.

"I'll write you every week." He repeated himself and Lovino scoffed. Antonio bent forward and kissed the top of Lovino's forehead and then he pulled away, holding the younger boy at arm's length. By that time, Lovino had angrily wiped at his eyes with his coat sleeve. He sniffed and looked over at his bags.

"I have to go, you're gonna make me miss my plane."

"Of course," slowly, Antonio let Lovino go.

Despite Lovino's arguing, Antonio brought Lovino's bag to the car and stowed them away. When Lovino got in, through the window Antonio handed him his book and his plane ticket. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't like Lovino thought it would be.

Antonio still hadn't cried. Hell, he hadn't even frowned. He had just stood there waving like an idiot as Lovino drove away, his eyes shut and his mouth open in a wide smile.

Once the house was out of view, Lovino shut his eyes and a small choking sound left his lips. "Dammit!" He whispered angrily, his hands tightening around the book. "Dammit, dammit! You stupid bastard!"

He was getting louder.

"Why didn't you ask me to stay? I would have stayed if you'd asked me to! Dammit, he doesn't care at all!" It was too much to hold in. "You're happy I left! All you did was sit there and smile while I cried and looked stupid! All you could do was laugh...dammit. It's happening again." He couldn't stop crying now.

As Lovino sat in the back seat of the cab, cursing and crying, he couldn't help but be thankful the driver kept his mouth shut, he was the only person to ever see him cry over Antonio. He must have looked like a total fool. But that didn't matter much, after tonight, he'd probably never see him again.

The next hour went by in a blur.

He remembered numbly walking through security, watching vacantly as couples said goodbye, kissing each other and crying into shoulders. He refused to imagine that it could have been him giving away such proper goodbyes, he was still bitter about it, still confused. But he refused to acknowledge it. He slouched down in his seat and closed his eyes, his fingers drifted back and forth over the soft edge of the old book's pages. It was soothing and he was lulled into a soft slumber until the intercom called out his boarding group. Startled, he sat up, shaking his hair out he stood up and grabbed his bag. As he made his way forward he couldn't help but look back, just in case the idiot had come to his senses.

He wasn't disappointed. He hadn't really expected to see Antonio there anyways.

* * *

"Loviiinooo!" A high, trilling voice reached him and he shuddered, but he had to admit the sound was slightly comforting. In its own, horrible and annoying way. He upturned his eyes and he felt the corners of his mouth lift slightly but quickly, he forced them back down. Feliciano, his younger brother, was being his usual idiot self. Arms flailing and mouth open in the most absurd manner. And as he ran towards Lovino, the oldest made sure to pace himself for impact.

"You idiot! You're squeezing me too hard, I can't breathe!" Lovino cried out, struggling to escape his brother's grip.

"Sorry, but it's been so long since I've seen you!" Feliciano pulled back and tucked his hands behind his back. "How was your trip? You must be tired. And hungry. Are you hungry? How is Antonio?" Feliciano breathed out in one rapid breath. His eyes looked excitedly over his brother's face, and being who he naturally was, he noticed the slightly darkened expression that passed over Lovino's eyes. "What's wrong? Did I say something?" Lovino adjusted his bag and glared upwards.

"It's nearly midnight, I'm only tired." Lovino snapped, and Feliciano's face brightened again.

"You're so old Lovi, midnight is not late! Everything fun and exciting happens at night, Antonio must be rubbing off on you. Come on, it will be a short drive home. I already made your bed! You'll love it, I..." The rest of his brother's words faded off into the background, and Lovino awkwardly moved to keep up with Feliciano.

Antonio. The bastard had done nothing wrong, but at the same time, he had done _everything_ wrong. He could only imagine the next time he'd see Antonio, or even talk to him. Lovino wouldn't call, and even if Antonio called him first, he wouldn't answer. There was something too romantic about that and besides, he was still mad at him.

His thoughts were revolving around one person the entire trip back and for once he was thankful Feliciano talked so much. He was able to look out the window while his brother mindlessly carried on a one sided conversation. When they finally reached the house, Lovino felt like he would never have a peaceful night's sleep again.

"You live here? Alone?" Lovino asked, looking up with wide eyes at the large house as he stepped outside the car. It had been some time since he'd been involved in his brother's life. He felt a small pang of guilt course through him.

"Yeah! It gets a little lonely and I really don't like cleaning it, but it's all mine! Sometimes Lud-" Feliciano cut himself abruptly and turned towards Lovino. "Let me take your bag!"

"I can do it by myself!" Lovino replied hastily, bending down to quickly snatch up his luggage. "Why don't you just open the damn door already?"

For the next twenty minutes he busied himself with unpacking his things while Feliciano sat on his bed, chattering away about things Lovino hardly cared about. Deliberately, Lovino hastily jammed whatever he could into the open drawers, wanting to crawl into bed and let the day finally be over. When he was finished, he leaned back against the dresser and stared up his brother expectantly.

"I'm really glad you came back fratello," Feliciano said brightly, Lovino bit back his words and instead gave a small nod in response. "I feel a little bad about it though."

"Why is that?"

"Well, you seemed so happy out in Spain. I mean, I know it was your home and you and Antonio were happy together-"

"You make it sound like we were married or something!" Lovino cried out, shaking his auburn hair around desperately. Feliciano gave a musical laugh.

"You know what I mean!" His smile faltered a little and a rather dumb expression fell over his face as he gathered his thoughts. "Oh! I almost forgot! Stay here!" Feliciano bolted upright and out of the room before Lovino could question anything.

He looked around the room and took a deep breath. Yes, this would take some getting used to but he knew eventually he would come to appreciate it. Though it would always be a shade or two different. Spain was home, it was where his heart was at. Figuratively, of course. But Italy was nice too, and his brother, well it pained him to say it but he really did miss him as well.

He heard Feliciano coming back, and he entered the room wearing a smile so wide it looked comic. In his hands he held a thin series of envelopes. "What is that?" Lovino asked, eyeing the letters warily.

"They're for you!" Feliciano placed them on the bed and yawned suspiciously. "Look, you've made me tired too. I'll see you in the morning. Unless you want me to sleep in here with you tonight?" Lovino snorted.

"I'm sure I'll manage." Feliciano laughed and turned around, waving, he closed the door behind him. Feeling a knot in his stomach, Lovino remained against the dresser for a second before pushing off and edging closer to the few envelops on his pillow.

His breath caught in his throat as he caught sight of them. That awful scribble. He knew it well. "What the hell is this?" Lovino breathed out, rushing clumsily to lay on his bed. His fingers ripped through the envelope and pulled out a sheet of paper. His eyes stumbled over every word and he had to read it twice to understand exactly what he was looking at, but when he understood, he dropped the letter and rolled onto his back.

That idiot. That beautiful, wonderful idiot.

The first letter was dated two weeks ago, exactly the night he had told Antonio he was leaving for Italy. There were eight there. Not one for every day but sure as hell not one for each week like he had said. He grabbed the other one and opened it up without mercy. His chest was tight and a smile crept onto his mouth without having been noticed.

These letters, at fist glance might as well have been love letters, that impossible Spaniard.

His thoughts danced around each other. He couldn't blame Antonio, as much as he had wanted to, it was impossible. Even though Antonio was a little dim sometimes, he was far from stupid. He was genuinely happy for Lovino, he had always made a fuss over the fact that Lovino had a brother he hardly saw. And yet, judging by the way his prose flowed so effortlessly and honestly, Lovino knew he was dearly missed. No, truly loved.

Antonio promised to see him again. Promised that next time they saw each other, he wouldn't let him go, ever, ever again. The thought of it alone was enough to make Lovino laugh out loud.

It was awfully romantic and maybe even a little nauseating, but Lovino couldn't help but feel that maybe too, it was just a little perfect.


End file.
